Having a house full of pitter-pattering feet was always a dream of mine. In fact, I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember. Having a large family, at least large by American standards, was never in the plans however. After baby number one and baby number two arrived and we settled into a comfortable, suburban lifestyle, my husband and I were 99.99% sure that our family was complete.
Notice how I did NOT say 100%…
That .01% led to identical twin girls a few years down the road. You read this correctly. Our number of kids DOUBLED in about 30 seconds. When the twins came along, our oldest was seven. FOUR GIRLS UNDER SEVEN. The twins have truly completed our brood and we are SO done now. Unless I become a victim of immaculate conception there will be no more McCarthy babies from neither myself nor my hubs. We doubled down on the sterilization after the twins were born. I do love having this house full of unanticipated girlies and I would not change it for anything.
That said, there are some unpleasantries that come along with having a large family. Some I considered…some I never saw coming. The latter are the ones that bring me to my knees begging for mercy.
Drowning in the Laundry
I am not kidding when I say that laundry is crushing my will to live. No matter what tips and tricks I try out it is always there in my closet – taunting me. Each and every single morning of my life the basket overflows with the prior day’s offenders. The cold hard facts are there are six people in this family. Let us assume that we each wear 4 – 5 items of clothing a day – that’s 30 items to wash, dry and put away. Not a big gig right? Wrong! So so sooooo wrong. Sports and workout clothing – double that thirty; towels – throw a five onto that number. Now we are 65 items of dirty torture. WAIT! The night-before jammies go into this sick and twisted equation as well, so we need to throw an additional 10 onto the ever-increasing number. We are up to 75 FREAKING CLOTHING ITEMS that must be washed every single damn day! This is IF the toddler twins do not destroy the first two or three outfits that we dress them in.
I have tried to have my husband help out in this department, but he is beyond useless. Once the freshly cleaned clothing makes it upstairs he asks who this and that belongs to over…and over…and over again. So even when I hand the task over I am still stuck with the annoying job of Laundry Supervisor. What a sick and cruel twist this is!
I distinctly remember folding teeny tiny pink baby onesies when I was pregnant with my first baby. I relished in the task, loved it actually. What I would give to go back in time and kick pregnant me’s ass. I seriously wonder if anyone out there has had to go to counseling or get on medication over having to do this much laundry every single day.
Feeding an Army
Well maybe not exactly an army, but that is what it feels like every single Saturday. Every Saturday my husband and I consider taking a second mortgage out on the house just to pay the grocery bill. I have tried the couponing – I am dreadful at it and always end up spending more money than I thought I would. I have tried pairing down the list and just buying the bare essentials. That always results in an angry, hungry husband and me having to go BACK to the grocery store mid-week. Oh HELL NO. One time a week is enough to put me right over the suburban edge of sanity. When I load those mountains of milk, cheese and bread onto the checkout belt I am always reminded of Noah’s Ark. I buy two of everything. One box of cereal would not last more than a day in my home.
Loading Up the Gang
This was one of the first things that I realized was going to be a giant pain in my postpartum ass after having the twinnies. A quick trip to the grocery store to grab milk no longer existed. Now I have to REALLY weigh the pros and cons of leaving the house. Is it really worth it to pack up supplies, load up the screaming kids, and drag everyone into the store all for a gallon of milk…then turn around and go home? It is bad enough that this dreaded process is repeated at least twice a day with the school run? Every.single.day
Weekends away look like you are moving across the country. When our family stays at a hotel for a few nights we are loaded to the brim. Suitcases stuffed full of clothes, jammies, stuffed animals, blankies, hair brushes, books, snacks, drinks, just-in-case medications and emergency supplies, diapers and wipes. Everyone grabs their favorite pillows, their iPads, other electronic devices, 14 Barbie Dolls and a plethora of random crap that should not even exist in this world. Heaven FORBID we leave for a weekend away without three rocks, a few marbles and two broken pencils.
Dining Out with The Clan
You will burn more calories dining out with your large family than you will actually ingest. There is in fact no dining even involved when I take my giant family out to a restaurant. I eat nothing, my husband manages maybe a few bites and the kids end up with half of their meals on their clothes and the other half on the floor. They cry, they squirm, they attempt several hundred high chair escapes. The bathroom is visited 28 times at least and the bill is always over $100. Eating out with four small kids is basically the worst idea ever. EVER.
There is nothing easier about raising a clan of small and demanding humans. It is hard work and takes devotion, persistence and a lot of prayer. Even with the many hurdles that having a large family presents on a daily basis, there is nothing better than the hugs, smiles and love that these many small humans provide.
Kristin is a regular writer at Suburban Misfit Mom and has been featured on BonBonBreak, Sammiches and PsychMeds, and The Erma Bombeck humorwriters.org site. She is also the satirical, ranty mastermind behind the blog Four Princesses and The Cheese.
Latest posts by Kristin McCarthy (see all)
- The Craziness That Comes with Having a Large Family - November 28, 2016
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