Sleep Training Ain’t for Sissies!

He attacks…under cover of darkness.

He is ruthless…and toothless.

He is a screaming, flailing, drooling, 17-pound TYRANT.

And, sadly, he’s my “kin.”

My grandson has been terrorizing his parents for four months. And I’ve watched my Darling DIL stumble down the stairs, weak and hollow-eyed, after a night of hourly interruptions that include (but are not limited to) feeding, rocking, walking, burping, changing, temperature-taking, Tylenol, DEFCON 5 screaming, Gripe Water, prayers, tears, and a few stolen moments of half-sleep for all parties concerned.


That Mom

And don’t be misled by the stories about THAT MOM who manages to get it done.

There is always THAT MOM whose little angel just naturally starts sleeping through the night…at three weeks.

And there’s THAT MOM who calmly lets her sleep-defying hellion to “cry it out.”

Then, there is THAT MOM who allows her little Tyrant to share her bed and to feed-on-demand…until he/she leaves for college.

All the Other Moms

And, finally, there are ALL THE OTHER MOMS who stumble through their little Tyrant’s first year, trying, failing, doubling-back, and then trying something else…until their little Tyrant finally, maybe, capitulates to a full night’s sleep.

Modah’s Sleep Training Methods

Dear darling girls, Modah has been ALL of these moms, having been BESIEGED by four of my own little Tyrants.

I nursed my FIRST little Tyrant “on demand,” until he was almost two (which meant neither of us slept through the night until he was almost two).And I ended up crying way more than he ever did.

Out of desperation I forced my SECOND little Tryant to “cry it out” at three months, so I could potty-train his brother and therefore avoid even more crying (on my part).

With my THIRD little Tyrant, I half-assed myself a version of what they now call “bedtime fading,” or also sometimes called “gradual extinction,” (which btw IS A HORRRIBLE NAME FOR AN INFANT SLEEP TRAINING METHOD).

I made little Tyrant #3 wait for longer and longer intervals between feedings, while intermittently patting/reassuring/praying-over his hollering little self, without actually picking him up. And sometime between “three” and “five months,” he finally got the memo.

As for my FOURTH little Tyrant, I don’t remember what method I used to get him to sleep. All I remember is that he spent most of his first year either in a car seat, teething on drive-thru fries, or in a pack’n’play at his brothers’ hockey practices. He must’ve slept through the night at some point…

The Four Truths, According to Modah

Anyhow, to sum up, young mothers, here’s some of Modah’s “ex-reclina” wisdom for you:

Truth #1 = All babies are different.

Truth #2 = All moms are different.

Truth #3 = Your circumstances will change drastically with the birth of each child.


Truth #4 = There is NO “ONE FRIKKIN’ WAY” to get your little Tyrant to sleep!

And if Modah’s wisdom isn’t enough for you, here’s some semi-scholarly evidence to support my views. The Huffington Post recently published an article that reports that just about all “popular sleep training methods are safe.” You may take comfort that here is now empirical proof that your little Tyrant’s adult therapy bills won’t be any higher than his peers.

So, dear, darling momma-of-an-infant, DO-WHAT-YOU-GOTTA-DO TO GET THAT KID TO SLEEP!

Because, if your heart’s in the right place, you’re both gonna turn out fine.


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Victoria Humphrey

Victoria Humphrey

Victoria Humphrey writes, blogs and speaks her mind as “MODAH,” who has decided to spend her golden years dispensing her “wisdom” to “anyone gullible enough to listen.” She can be found trying to be funny at and on FB/Instagram/Twitter while she’s working on her first book.
Victoria Humphrey

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3 thoughts on “Sleep Training Ain’t for Sissies!

  • October 25, 2016 at 3:11 pm

    I’m learning the hard way that all babies are different. I was THAT mom whose 1st born slept through the night at 6 weeks. Now I am THAT mom whose 2nd born who is not even close at 10 weeks. Love you post. #momsterslink

  • October 21, 2016 at 12:03 am

    My son started sleeping through only a few days before his first birthday, I tried so many methods but I always caved in luckily he just decided on his own to stop is one night feed and sleep until the morning.
    unfortunately now that he’s sleeping longer during the night getting him down for his morning nap is impossible 🙁 thanks for sharing your experience with sleep training your 4 babies #momsterslink

  • October 20, 2016 at 11:09 pm

    I love your truths, they are so correct!!! Thanks for joining with #momsterslink


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